![]() Henry says it’s important, though, to successfully establish that they do, in fact, have to go to school. When refusal means not getting ready for school or just straight-up not moving, parents can feel like their options are limited. When I was pregnant with a chronic back issue and a 50-pound kindergartener, picking him up and moving him into a car seat was impossible, let alone physically hauling him into a school. It presents differently at different ages, but even a preschooler is very much aware of what other children are doing and recognizes if he is not able to do the same.” What should we do when our kids refuse to go to school? Family therapist Maribeth Henry who hosts the Everyday Parenting Podcast, says, “Very often the reason is a feeling of failure. If they’re worried about performing poorly, they might try to avoid it entirely. School can be particularly hard on kids with anxiety, or perfectionist tendencies - like my son, the runner. Patel, educational psychologist and the author of Winnie & Her Worries, notes, adding that children of any age can experience any of the above issues at any time during the school year though. “Transitions are harder after holidays and summer,” Reena B. School refusal manifests in lots of different ways, from my runner who took off, to kids throwing tantrums and complaining of random pains. Early independence: dropping out to make one’s own way.School failure in high school: can’t keep up or catch up.Social cruelty fears in middle school: avoiding mistreatment by peers.Control testing in the willful older elementary child: challenging parental conditions.Separation anxiety in a young elementary child: missing the comforts and security of home.Carl Pickhardt, author of Holding On While Letting Go: Parenting Your Child Through The Four Freedoms of Adolescence, gave me five pretty solid ones, including: School refusal can rear its trying head at any point in the school year. If you are just now experiencing your kid pushing back on jumping on the bus, even weeks or months after the first day of school, you aren’t alone. Since then, we haven’t had as dramatic of an exit, but have battled many bouts of school refusal, due to gripes with friends, the wrong kind of chocolate milk in the lunchroom, and a few more serious issues. Oh, and I was quite pregnant at the time as well.Īfter some chasing, cajoling, and bribery, I finally shut the door at the front of the school after he made it in, my work schedule and other kids’ drop-off plans completely destroyed. This wasn’t a little game of catch, but a full-blown sprint across a nearby side street, far away from where he knew I couldn’t catch him. Then the door opened, I kissed him goodbye, and he bolted. He stood dutifully at the curb, watching it pull around, even commenting on how big it was, or how yellow, or some other kindergartener small talk. Can’t say he didn’t warn me.Īs the bus approached, things seemed to actually be going somewhat better than I’d pictured. My oldest son had informed me not only would he never be attending school - “as long as he lives” - but that if I made him, he’d run away from the bus. But none will be as memorable as the very first day of kindergarten. With four sons under age 7, I’ve heard my fair share of “I’m not going”s followed by a kid rolling over and throwing their blanket back over their head, hiding under a coffee table, or other equally annoying shenanigans in the morning rush. ![]()
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